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What I have written is what I have Given

Watching it unfold was all cause Driven

The Dream

I saw myself traveling almost every evening in a train where I meet this girl on this train. We start to exchange words and within days, I see ourselves in separable on this journey of the train, though she is only along with me on this train, as if a train ride companion only, after that we go our separate ways. We were immediately drawn towards each other, though the attraction was more mental than physical.  I almost start to feel that I have to tie the knot and she firmly believes in me doing so. The day occurred very shortly during the heightened period of our infatuation, argument or disagreement on a certain issue that deeply stirred feelings of rebelliousness and I immediately shifted my seating position; where firstly we used to sit with arms around each other and now were facing the other.

I almost feel that the whole incident has taken place in the 19th century somewhere in Northern part of England, for we both spoke theatrical English in ways only we could understand what was the matter discussed at hand, though the train we used to board was so late in the evening that there was never anyone on it except the two of us; especially in the compartment we used to sit in. The seating and the compartment always had to be the same. We both were struggling with life, though the clothes appeared clean but it was clear that we belonged to lower middle class, but somehow managed to be working for families who were the elite. Thus the polishing of the language and the refinement of ordinary clothes was more learned than ever inherited.

I started speaking to her in harshness, my gesture of moving away from her made her feel lesser of a person which she tried to hide but couldn’t. Tears started running down her eyes while she tried to choke her moans, as if there were others’ around. I spoke sternly, while she kept on trying to appease me. I seemed to have been feeling strengthened by her emotional dependency on me, and finally I said to her,” We are no MORE”.

At this the train stopped at a station which had nothing to do with me or her, but I stepped out of the train while leaving her in utter despair never looking back.  While she kept on looking out of the feebly lit compartment window, tears running down her eyes, stunned to the point she could not believe what has just happened, “As if she had lost the only most precious piece of possession that she had worked ever so hard to gain all through her life.”  I on the other hand walked haughtily away from the train station, as if I had just won a MEDAL for winning some sort of a Battle of Love.

I never took that train again from the next day on wards. I believe it was the third or the fourth day when the train I was traveling in, which still headed in the same direction came to a screeching halt. I almost fell to the floor, as I tried to hold on to the bars of the rails that went cross the windows of the compartment. As I looked out the window I saw the train I used to take with her. The train had stopped on the third or fourth railroad from my train and in front on the Steam Engine was the Girl, who had tied herself in chains to the rails wanting the same train to run her over.

As She heard the other train coming to a complete stop, She looked up and as She glanced through the windows of the train that I was in, our eyes met. I saw in the blistering light of the Steam Engine that was shinning on her, that her eyes were redder than red and her face was white as a ghost. Upon seeing me, her face immediately became calm, which made me feel as if I had lost the MEDAL of Love that the conflict had so proudly earned me.

As we kept on looking at each other, my train started to move and the distance between us started to increase. Only this time around the tears were in my eyes and I was stunned by what has just happened, “As if me, myself and I had only come closest to getting the most valuable possession that I would have ever gotten, that had made my life worth anything.”


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11:11  May 21, 2012